Control-Freaks

By Ashhal Usmani

Long ago a young boy was forced by his parents to start doing Karate. At first he was thrilled to do so, but after a couple of classes he loathed it. He dreaded every Tuesday and Saturday, for he knew he would have to go to these tedious classes. He complained almost every day, but nothing happened. His parents forced him to stay in this class for 2 years, until he was finally able to escape the control of his parents and leave the class.

This may seem a bit exaggerated, but it is not. Many kids around the world don’t have a say in what goes on in their life. This is because of the fact that many parents take control of almost every aspect of their child’s life. Parents think that they always know what’s best for their child, but exerting too much control over their kid can often have devastating effects on their growth.

A survey conducted with some of the students at the Islamic School of San Diego unveiled some of the negative affects of over-controlling parents. All students surveyed said that their parents exert too much control over them. Two-third of the students say it has made them more dependent on their parents and that it is hard for them to make choices on their own because their parents make most of their choices for them. Another two-third say that this has made it harder for them to bond with their parents.

An anonymous student says that they can make decisions on their own but it doesn’t matter. They say, “It’s easy to make decision on your own, but like there’s no point in having your own opinion when you know it won’t matter. No matter what you think or want, your parents will probably want the opposite and get what they want.”

Other studies back up the findings of the survey mentioned previously.

One study conducted at University College London tracked a group of 5,000 kids since 1940. In this study, people who had controlling parents weren’t happy people and had very little well-being. It also made them more dependent and they lacked the ability to make decisions on their own.

On the contrary, people who had more lenient parents reported to be happier and described their parents as warm and loving. They also said it was easier to bond with their parents, as well as other people around them.

Although it may be hard for parents to give their child more freedom, sometimes it’s necessary. The first step is to get to know your child more and to trust them. Don’t give them complete freedom, but trust them with things that aren’t that big of a deal, like whether or not they want to join a sports team. You don’t have to give them freedom with big things like where you’re going to live, but just don’t be a helicopter parent. All you have to do is trust your kid, then the rest comes naturally.